When I look for answers, I usually put on my ‘spiritual’ goggles. But they haven’t been helping me so well defeating in a new wave of giants in my life. It made me run around in circles praying they will go away. So I looked for support. I asked a psychologist to help me with fear of rejection. I noticed I became very sensitive to rejection the past years. I can feel really bad when people criticize or reject me. It’s more a strong feeling that comes up than something I can explain well.
My psychologist labels it as: ‘anxiety disorder’ through loss of self confidence through a past relationship and other experiences.
I was told that many people have thoughts coming from a fear that they deal with daily. For me a fear of rejection, but for someone else it can be something very different.
A fear will mold thoughts patterns and feelings. Even when what you think or feel is not real, it can seem very real.
A fear can move in the deep of your being, but gives power to how you move on the surface.
A fear is the fuel for choices and actions that can impact relationships, how you see and show yourself, what you choose to show and hide and what you run to or away from.
A large sum of beliefs in fear that you’ve collected in much time can have a strong hold on you deep down.
I see it as an undercurrent, as a wave below the surface.
Internal waves
According to Nasa.gov there are waves below the surface of the ocean, seen from satellite imagery. They are called ‘internal waves’ and can be huge! They can be hundreds of meters tall and tens to hundreds of kilometers long and last for several hours. They are happening below the surface, in between water layers of different density. Because of tides (rising and falling of the sea) the ocean will drag over barriers such as a ridge (like a sharp mountain top) on the ocean floor. This causes a wave in the lower and dense layer of water. It’s because of the use of satellites that science found out about this phenomenon.
Surface and internal waves explained in 3D:
Can you see the patterns?
If you look very closely at the image below you can see there are thin and almost horizontal lines: they are from surface waves. The large diagonal dark and brighter lines you see in the picture above are from the internal waves!
Image of the Day for July 10, 2010, NASA Earth Observatory
A dark line means that the water is rough, and light is reflected in more directions (less light is reflected back to the satellite). A bright line means the water is more smooth and calm, and so more of the light is reflected back to the satellite making the image brighter.
The waves below the surface are creating crests and troughs on the surface of the water. The crests (brighter lines & calmer water) are pushing light surface water to the troughs (darker line & rough water).
Satellite image of the soul
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
– Publilius Syrus
Just like an ocean has deeper waves, so also we have ‘internal waves’ inside of us. The waves of what and how we say and do are on the surface. They are easy to spot. But our internal waves are not.
It wows me seeing that the direction of the surface waves in the satellite image above is completely different (perpendicular) from the internal waves. It made me think that just going by someone’s surface waves (how someone acts on the surface) can be really misleading if you want to understand their deeper waves (what’s really going on deep inside of them). Just going by what’s on the surface can lead to poor understanding. The pattern of the surface waves can be totally different from what’s happening below! You need a satellite image of the soul to find out what’s really moving someone on a deeper level.
Sadly we’re quick to judge someone by looking at their surface waves, not really caring much about what their internal waves are; who someone is deep down inside and what is really moving them. It’s a recipe for false labels and not understanding others.
If you’ve seen the waves on my surface, that doesn’t mean you know my ocean.
And so, to really find out what is going on deep inside a person, you need a different way of looking. Something like a satellite image.. That gives you a zoomed out look, instead of staring at what’s right in front of you.
Can you see the patterns?
We can be so used to the surface waves of people, but it takes time to sense and see the internal waves.
What are my internal waves? I don’t know so well. They’re giants. Giant waves. Calm ones and rough ones. Crests for smooth sailing and troughs like the Bermuda triangle with wrecked ships and lost planes.
I can spot waves of the surface easily, but the ocean below holds many mysteries still!
